There are a lot of negative Nancy’s in the world and almost always someone who does not approve or just does not understand. It seems especially true when you are trying to get your life together that you feel the people around you are becoming more and more negative. Are they jealous? Are they just busting your chops? Do you just feel more negative vibes seeping through them because your life is becoming so overwhelmingly positive?! I have had to deal with my fair share of what I presumed to be negativity from a hand full of people. What I found was important for me to do instead of becoming upset was to establish what kind of person this family member has always been, what is their character generally?
For the most part I love all my family, sometimes, most of them – just kidding I love all of them (maybe) but I have run into these problems nonetheless. When you are getting your financial business together your life and mindset flips. Like I’ve mentioned in 4 Small Steps to Help Get Your Spouse on Board you cannot expect those close to you to immediately understand what the deal is now. They will think you are crazy and quite often make unintentional negative remarks. There are many different characters out there and various reasons why they could be reacting this way, but here are the few I have encountered or could imagine for others:
The jokester who is just busting your chops
My zodiac sign is cancer (July 13th to be precise) and this means I am sensitive apparently also shy and moody (true), but these characteristics make me feel words and others attitudes very severely. When someone is shooting me bad vibes, I get emotional. When we are trying to change our life though and the jokester is shooting you the wrong energy, but just being their normal old self, we might just take it too personal. I have. These people, deep down, we know are proud of us, but they give us shit about everything and this is no different. This is them. It more than likely has nothing to do with anything other than the fact that they are sarcastic jerks. They love us though. The jokester in your life can give you the feels but their negativity is probably just them goofing.
The free-spirit who does not care about money
I know one! This person in my life is all about simply being happy and living their life day-to-day. A conversation about money is just too serious for this person. They can come off to us as negative by telling us that we care too much about money. When people say this it is just because they do not understand what/why it is, we are doing what we are doing. They think we’re turning into some greed ball that wants to be rich and bougie (maybe you do, none of my business). They may also think money stresses you out just because it is a focus of yours and they just truly want you to be happy. While it can come off as ‘ugh, you are so unhappy just stop thinking about money’ it may really be more of a ‘wow, I hope you are not stressing about money and this is why you think about it so much’. It likely comes from a good place of this happy-go-lucky free-spirit wanting us to live our best life. I AM NOT STRESSED THOUGH! I JUST LIKE MATH!
The clueless who believes ignorance is bliss
This is the one who is just too frightened of their own finances and rather not talk about yours, theirs, or anything involving numbers really… they.do.not.want.to.know. That is okay, it is just not a topic for them right now. When I started getting my finances straight, I wanted to help my entire family. I needed them to understand how important it was to start a budget, pay off debt and that I could do it with them! Some were receptive, I did make a few budgets and helped outline some debt payoff goals so props to that, but it was kind of disappointing and frustrating for me that they weren’t as serious as I hoped. I just wanted to see them succeed. Everyone has there ‘ah-ha’ moment on their own though. As much as we would love to we cannot force someone to strive for financial wellness even if they need it. I will be here when they need it (call me). Ignorance ain’t bliss though, I promise.
The ‘woe is me’ who just is not ready
I believe many of us at one point or another believed the world was out to get us. We thought everyone around us was doing so much better than we were and we just could not get ahead. This is a topic I could probably write a million words on because I firmly believe that saying “where there’s a will, there’s a way”. We know though, that there will always be people in our lives, that feel too bad for themselves that their negativity is reflected on us. It is not fun, for them nor us, but we can easily point out these people and just try to understand what they are feeling. Your financial goals might not be the best topic for them, but like the clueless, when they are ready, they will come around.
The straight hater, just horrible, get rid of them
Okay, maybe you won’t get riiiid of them, riiiid of them, I mean I would but hey. No matter how hard we try and see the good in others some people are just going to hate. They will hate that you came from the same place but are progressing further and they will not be proud of you for it. That is their mindset and that is on them. Luckily, I have not had a straight hater in my life yet, but maybe the time will come. Some people, even family, are not meant for you forever. Let people go who bring you down for no valid reason. WE DO NOT NEED THAT NEGATIVITY IN OUR LIFE!
On a final note – sharing your finances with family is tricky. Many people will not do it for fear of backlash or simply because they are just more private. I am so open about what I have going on with my friends, family, co-workers, social media and now my blog that I am sure I will be fed negativity more and more often. It is okay though because I will continue to see the good and hope you are someone other than the straight hater.
Au revoir, (fun fact I was going to spell that orvioa, before I googled it).
TL;DR: people will share their opinions, understand their ideas are limited to what they are exposed to.